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Dear Revenge Lady,Tell me if this sounds about right. My ex hurt me really bad a while back and I couldn't seem to tell her what I really felt about it. As you can guess, the anger pent up inside and finally I tried to get in contact with her. Between her and her mother she wouldn't talk to me. Her mother and she are supposedly real big Christians, so I got a hold of her credit card number and ordered a year subscription to playboy, penthouse, playgirl, amongst other things and had them sent to her house in her name, and on the order form I had the companies print ? have just been f---- ? Tell me what ya think ? Casper



Hello Caspar:This seems in line with revenge in the sense that you got it off your chest and you hit them where it hurts. I'm surprised that you could get a company to include an epithet with the subscriptions but maybe you were dealing with a computer system that didn't know what it was printing. Be careful - you realize what you did is illegal, right? Hope you are over it....Revenge Lady



Dear Revenge Lady, We are freshmen cheerleaders and the seniors cheerleaders are planning to get us when we go to camp. We are staying in a hotel. Do you have any pranks that we could play on the seniors that wouldn't destroy anything? We need to get them good. Please help. Thanks a lot, the babies



Hi "babies"

You might have seen this on this site already, but a favorite of mine for a hotel situation is to tie a piece of string to the door handles of opposite rooms - then at 2 a.m. knock on both doors really loud, hide and watch them try to open their doors. Another is to order room service in the middle of the night for them....or have some mysterious Indian man call them repeatedly through the night....or when they're taking showers, dump a bucket of cold water over the shower curtain. You might also buy some plastic toy frogs and leave them in the toilets. Have fun and let us know how it goes. Revenge Lady




Dear Revenge Lady, I am 16 and still attending my education and I have a couple guys in my grade that are in a few of my classes, and they are always making the worst of me and teasing me because of the people I hang around with. I was hoping that you could give me some GREAT advice with making their life a living hell and letting them get back some of their own kind. Tom



Hi Tom,Sounds like you need to teach them a lesson. Maybe you need to make them look really stupid by doing something like:-- hand in papers with their names on them that are good candidates for an F -- send a letter to the principal with their names signed to it asking if it's okay for them to form a chapter of NORM (the group that counsels circumcized men in becoming uncircumcized again) at the school -- circulate a petition drafted by them asking for students to support disco classes after school....You get the drift.... Good luck - and just ignore them - they're idiots. RevengeLady



Dear RevengeLady:I am in a bad situation. I started talking to this guy that I liked quite a bit. I kissed him a few times. He later told me that he has a girlfriend of a little less than a year with whom he lives, but that the relationship is over and that they will be moving out in a month. Being the pathetic loser that I am I believed him and I still hung out with him. I feel horrible because from what I hear he has lots of lady friends. After I decided that I would wait around and remain just friends with him, he hasn't called me. He's a total moron, he gave me his phone # and the code to get into the gate at his apartment. I should have known better, but I just wanted him to be sincere. He made me feel special, and adored which I was obviously neither. I want to get him back but I don't want to hurt his relationship anymore than I already have. Miss Pist



Dear Miss Pist: Sorry to hear your story but you shouldn't call yourself a pathetic loser - he's the knucklehead here, not you. I hope by now you've moved on and left this sorry excuse for a man behind. If you have lots of moxie, why not go the apartment with a girlfriend, knock on the door, and say hi and be friendly, and pretend you've come to check the apartment out since they are moving out. Course this takes cajones, but could be very amusing. Good luck and let us know... RL



Dear RL, My boyfriend is a total sweetie and I like him a lot, the only problem is when he's around his friends he is a different person, not a jerk to me or violent or anything, he just acts way more stupid and he tends to put them before me a lot of the time. I can completely respect friendship coming above relationships but I'd really like him to spend more time with me. Can you give me a few ideas of how to make him realize he should spend more time with me that don't make me look demanding and that won't jepordize our relationship? Thanks -Sara



Hi Sara:You're right in not wanting to be confrontational since that will probably drive him away. Why don't you just not be available to him at his convenience? Make it clear that he has to make arrangements to see you and that you're not hanging around waiting to see him. Or play him at his own game and next time he wants to see you, have plans made to go out with your girlfriends. Then if he complains, say that you had not heard from him with plans. I'm not into playing games with guys (like the Rules ladies) but sometimes you have to play with them to get what you want from them. If he really cares for you, he will give you more attention. Good luck, Revenge Lady



Dear RL, I was going to get engaged to the guy who I thought was "the one", or so I thought. We live in seperate states and he came up and visited me. When he was here I introduced him to a close friend. This was my big mistake. As soon as he met her, our relationship changed (for the worse). They now talk to each other, DAILY and it is irritating me like crazy. They have asked me if its ok, I said it was but I was lying through my teeth - I now believe in the saying of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer!!! That is exactly what I've been trying to do, but its getting harder and harder. How can I seek revenge on my so called friend?



Wait a second - why do you want to take revenge when you agreed that it was okay for them to be friends? This situation sounds a little strange - are they seeing each other, getting close? If that's the case, you should not be passive anymore - tell her/them that it sucks and you don't like what they've done. Sorry I can't advocate revenge when you agreed to go along with it. Speak up!



Dear Rlady, Our land lady broke into our house. She found a marijuana plant and had my husband arrested for a felony! How can we get her back? We would like to screw her rental up before we leave, but dont want anyone to know about it. We have her social security number. Whats a good way to give her a bit of grief? Thanks.



Dear Pamela: Actually I would be very careful here because no matter what, you guys are technically on the wrong side of the law. I've heard of landlord revenge such as sabotage of various kinds - leaving insects, mice, cockroaches, even cement in the toilet....reporting them to the authorities for code violations....these are not very nice of course and I'm certainly not suggesting you do them. I'd say in the future, keep your possessions out of the reach of snoopy people, especially landladies. Revenge Lady



Dear Revenge Lady, I have recently been forced to entertain my husband's ex wife IN MY HOUSE! She is still here. My husband says that we have to do it for the kids (his and hers). 'Why is she not staying in a hotel?' you might be asking yourself. I asked that, too, and got no satisfactory answer. I want some way to get revenge on him for foisting this humiliating situation on me. Please answer fast. I dont know how long she will be here. Thanks, Fatima



Dear Fatima,One thing that perplexes me is why wouldn't your husband consider your feelings in all this? An obvious revenge on him would be to invite one of your old boyfriends for dinner and then spring it on your hub when it's too late to cancel. That way he can feel some of what you felt. Course you could do this while she's still in the house so they both get the point. You could tell her you thought she might be interested in a blind date. If you cant be bothered having an old flame around, then do something else where your husband has no vote - like paint the bathroom hot pink or buy a new sofa. Then when he complains, tell him you thought it was okay for one spouse to make big decisions without involving the other. As for it being for the children, there are plenty of ways they can tend to the children - I've rarely heard of bringing an ex-wife into a current wife's house, unless she really feels okay with it. The most direct solution would be to tell your husband about your discomfort. Let us know how this goes! And good luck! Revenge Lady.



Dear Revenge Lady...I have a plan...I am going to see my sister on the other side of the country. He knows that I am wanting to go. He just wants me to wait until his'ex leaves before I do. Well, I am not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing just when I am leaving. I am going to call a taxi to the bus station, and then call him when I am well on my way. This way he gets no vote on something we haven't discussed. What do you think? I sure need a break with a visit to my sister's house. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Fatima



Dear Fatima:I think that sounds like an excellent plan. I love the idea of not telling him until you are already in transit. You might also not tell him when you're returning, until you are ready to. Be sure he gets the point in all this - that your vote doesnt seem to count when the ex visits, so you have decided to make decisions that don't involve his vote. Let's hope the numbskull gets it! Your feelings count and he should respect that. Have a nice trip and let us know how he takes it....Revenge Lady



Dear Revenge Lady, I made a big boo boo. I had a child with a psycho. I left her shortly after my little girl was born. Katherine is now 2 and a half. I settled out of court in order to avoid loss of job, emotional sanity, money etc. I tried to help her but she'll never get her shit together. She is a neglectful mother, flakey, and difficult to deaI with. I find it impossible to raise a child with her. I've tried everything. She has a 9 year old son with a previous husband and his family has always had problems with her...they want her dead. I have no faith in the family court system, I've even tried the Ministry for children and families and have gotten no help. I fear that I will lose my sanity dealing with this person. Helllllllppppppp!!!!!!!!! pq



Dear pq, So sorry to hear of your plight. Don't lose your sanity - it's not worth it since she's not going to change. Just shower your little child with love and kisses and be grateful that you have her as a positive result of this boo boo. We will be sending you a free gift to help you avoid further consternations - a pack of RLady condoms. They come stamped with our RevengeLady logo so that when you slip them on, we'll be right there with you helping and consoling you. Please let us know if you would need micro, macro or jumbo? Good luck out there!! RLady



Dear Revenge Lady, This guy at work is constantly looking thru our desks and personal stuff. He actually went ahead the other day and threw out some business cards I had in my desk. Never even told me. I was looking for them and someone said they saw him throw them out. We want sweet revenge. Andrea



Dear Andrea: Maybe you should do something like fill one of his drawers with jello or rice pudding. Or put a mouse trap in his desk. Or get one of those joke exploding pens that shoot ink everywhere. Or if you want to be subtle....stick a notice up in the office asking for people to please not interfere with items on other people's desks. You could say that the hidden security cameras had picked up some unprofessional tampering. Of course, I know it's boring, but why not just have it out with him. Tell him to lay off your stuff. Good luck with it. RL



Dear Revenge Lady, I know this is probably of little importance in your otherwise busy world but I have a dilemma...I am a sophomore in high school and I have this one teacher who is really into practical jokes and pranks. We have a good teacher/student relationship, so everything we do is all in good fun. I was wondering if you could help me with the perfect prank to pull on this one teacher of mine. I am trying to think of something really good. Something really funny that will be remembered for a long time. I am desperate, because he says I'll never win this fight. If it helps, I have the address to my teacher's house... Thanks, Desperate03



Hi Desperate03, This teacher sounds great - there's lots of stuff you could do. Pack an inflatable love doll in his desk so when he opens it, it inflates in front of the class. Buy a fart machine that will let you emit fart sounds in his classroom (using remote control so he can't find the source). Put jello in his briefcase. Hoist his boxers on the school flag pole....shaving foam on his car - we could go on and on. Let us know what you do and how it's received. Revenge Lady



Dear RL, I had dated this guy for about two months until we went to a dance together. That night we made it official we were together. Actually, he basically made me make a choice. Earlier in the night he kept showing off for his ex-girlfriend just to make her jealous I assume, because she obviously still liked him. Well, after I told him that I wanted to be with him, he dropped me off at home, and went directly to her and spent the night and proceeded to cheat on me of our relationship of only a few hours. I have only just recently learned of this and would like to get even. Any ideas?



Hi, This guy's out to lunch bigtime. Ditch him. Change your phone number, whatever. Who needs a game player like this in their life? Get a nice new guy and flaunt him in front of your old one - make it clear you don't give a damn about him anymore. One idea we've always loved is to give a guy "the finger" - send a joke finger in a gift box. You can buy them on our site. Good luck in losing this loser.



Dear RL, Last year, I, and four other University freshers, were placed in a university-owned house to live together for the year, sharing facilities etc. It started out great - we were all friends, and happy with it. The disruption came when one of the girls - a middle-class pony-club law-student brat - got a little bitter that I seemed to be getting on particularly well with two other girls in the house. She invited my best friend in the house to her family home, and they returned sharing boyfriends and one another's clothes, and shortly afterwards, I was summoned before the entire house, where the Pony-club brat announced that she did not want to live with me the following year, though the others were quite happy to. Seeing as the others had gone all day without mentioning this to me, and were quite happy to let the brat speak for them, and subsequently organised fun trips to the cinema (to see a film I had suggested..Grrr), not asking me, I held them collectively responsible for making me an outsider. My 'best friend' had also swapped to the other side, ignoring me like the others and as I was kept in the house through contract (now up, thankfully), I had to develop some way of coping when the house got particularly tense. But I soon found that I could lessen the blow of ostracization. The two main girls - the ex-best friend and Pony Club ringleader - were the focus of my therapy. At first it was just spitting in their food and licking their plates at every opportunity. Then I got creative. With no washing machine, we used to soak our knickers in a bowl of detergent overnight in the bathroom. On a particularly bad day, I squatted over the girls' bowl and emptied the concentrated contents of my bladder onto their smalls. The detergent drowned the smell. This I did regularly, every time I went to the bathroom. The ringleader girl had a very nice plant - an expensive, tropical kind which she was very proud of - with broad green leaves and a healthy rate of growth. However, after a regular diet of Nail Polish Remover, boiling salty water and oven cleaner, it shrivelled pathetically, as did every other hopeful plant, large or small, subsequently potted. At one point, I was diagnosed with having thrush on my tongue (very painful), but after scraping the infected parts on their toothpaste nozzles, it didn't feel half as bad. Lastly, remembering that urine samples are best given in the morning as the liquid is highly concentrated, and also remembering the girls giant bottle of martini and econo-orange drink, I emptied myself into a little jug, and emptied that into their bottles, which I recently returned home to find...emptied in the time honoured conventional way of being ingested. I killed their plants. I gave them my diseases. They wore my wee wee on their knickers, and drunk it as well. Now they are gone, smug and unaware, and I am so...so...happy. Now THIS is therapy. From Jessica :)



Dear Jessica: First of all I must invite you to come and rent the spare room in our house - you sound like the perfect roommate! We've already removed all the potted plants and taken the knickers out of the sinks. On a more serious note.....Your housemates sound horrible - there's nothing worse than a group ganging up like animals on one person and ostracizing them. It is the worst (it's even presented as the motivation for schoolyard murder here in the U.S., but then again eating too many Twinkies was also offered as an explanation in another famous case - not sure if Twinkies have arrived in the UK yet - I hear Starbucks has landed in droves - but Twinkies are icky sticky spongey things that people eat by the half dozen). Anyway back to you - glad to hear that you felt vindicated. I must say I started to wince at the image of you squatting over sink bowls - how the heck do you do that? I always stress to people that one should do revenge, get it our their systems and then move on -- otherwise one risks being seen as psycho - not that I'm saying you are - and please don't get mad and wee wee on my knickers - I just think you might have gained satisfaction doing just one of those things. Just my two cents - what do I know? I'm just Revenge Lady.



Dear Revenge Lady, I just got t-ped and some shaving cream in my yard. I know the little rats who did it too. What are some good things to get them back with that are out of the ordinary. I have thought of forking and spray painting their lawn. Just something I can do at like 2 in the morning to give a nice gift for their early morning waking. Amy



Dear Amy, Do you have a dog nearby? There's always the oldie but goodie - leaving "doggie chocolates" on the doorstep. Another is to spread honey on their pathway - very sticky on the old shoes. Or call them at the crack of dawn (they're kids right?) and tell the parents or whoever answers that their kid sold you their car for $100 and you'll be by later today to pick it up. Let us know.



Dear Revenge Lady,

My husband is a big flirt and likes women. He loves me and takes care of all my needs and the children's, but has had a couple of flings. Of course I knew, and trapped him, and got my revenge. This time the lady that he saw has really made me angry and I can't get over it. She would come to my house and pick him up for work because she is only a couple of block away. Then she started e mailing him. When the e-mails became to personal and I warned her to back off she basically treated me like I was an idiot and that she was just sending him these love cards with x's and O's because she thought they were cute and he would like to see them. Even at the end when he admitted his infidelity, I caught her red handed with his excite password typing him love letters directly into his e mail she denied it and said she wasn't the one doing it. I reminded her that she was causing my family a lot of pain and asked her about her husband and son and what they would think of the letters? She quit, but I feel as though she thinks she got away with it and I feel taken advantage of not only by my husband but by her too. She lost nothing, and no one knows any different. She even made the statement that maybe me and my family should leave "her" town! I can not figure out how to get revenge, I keep racking my brain. Could you please help? Elizabeth



Hi Elizabeth:

You sound like a very understanding wife. You seem to accept that your husband likes women and that if he flirts and has affairs, you will forgive him. Just my two cents, but if you want to save yourself pain in the future, maybe you need to shorten his leash a little and let him know you can do without all this aggravation thank you and he needs to stop. As for this woman, you gave her an inch and she

took a mile. You have to make it very clear to her - which you should have upfront - that she's poaching on your territory and she needs to bug off. Tell her if she continues bothering you, you will complain to her husband - that should shut her up. Tell your husband the same. Let him know you've had enough of being the understanding wife. And mean it. If you want to turn the screws, put an ad in the personals section of the local paper telling (her name) to please refrain from chasing after other people's husbands. Good luck, Revenge Lady




Dear Revenge Lady,

My brother and sister-in-law are constantly trying to make my wife and I look bad. For example, I was sitting in the bathroom one day when we were living under the same roof, and my brother-in-law called me through the door. He said, "We are going to the neighbors house for dinner, do you want to TAG ALONG. I didn't want to be rude and just show up so I said, no thanks. One week later I was riding in a car with my father-in-law and he said "I am going to give you some advice" I said OK. "The neighbors are offended that you didn't show up for dinner" I explained to him that I was not invited, but he insisted that I was just being rude. The truth of the matter was that the neighbor had specifically asked my brother-in-law to invite me. Now the neighbor thinks that I am a stuck-up jerk. This ruined a pretty good relationship of about 10 years and made me look stupid. Dickhead and his wife live out of state now, but I still want to get them for this. HOW?



Hi,

The good news is that your brother is gone now so it doesn't sound like you need to worry about more of this happening. Why don't you talk to the neighbor, explain what happened and ask him/her for dinner. Patch up the relationship. Just because he's your brother doesn't mean you have to be friends. In the future, don't let him be around your house. Ice him. That's the best revenge.

Revenge Lady




DEAR REVENGE LADY:

I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ON AND OFF FOR 11 YEARS WITH MY SON'S FATHER.... I GOT INVOLVED WITH HIM AGAIN AND TO MY SURPRISE I ENDED UP PREGNANT .... HE BEGGED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION....I DID STUPIDLY... HE PROCEEDED TO TELL ME I WOULD MESS UP HIS RAPPING CAREER BEING THAT HIS NEW C'D WILL BE COMING OUT AND HOW THIS WILL BENEFIT MY SON AND ME AND HOW WE COULD BUILD A FAMILY THE RIGHT WAY. ANYWAY I HAD THE ABORTION ALL BY MYSELF AND TO MY SURPRISE HE WAS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME SOME GOOD REVENGE IDEAS FOR HIM ASAP I WOULD RATHER GOOD CLEAN REVENGE THAN DEATH TO HIM AND HIS MISTRESS.



Hi,

Sounds like this guy needs a good rapping, and not the musical kind. Course you know you should not have anything more to do with him, right? He's just a player. Why don't you play a nice trick on him. Get a guy friend to call him up and pretend to be a music exec who's heard his demo and wants to sign him up right away. Tell him an address where to meet him with a time - only have the address be fake - give a city street but a fake number. It'll make him crazy trying to find it. Or...do the same thing - have a pal fake a phone call to his answer machine, only have the message end, "please call us back at....." then have the message crackle and end before he hears the number. Good luck finding a nice guy for you and your child.

Revenge Lady




Dear Revenge Lady,

My ex-girlfriend has been stalking me for nearly two years now. She has written anonymous letters to my employers and had the police come "investigate" me at my office, resulting in my leaving two good jobs. She spray-painted the word "bitch" on my garage door, and routinely sends letters to my friends and colleagues citing lies. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. She is very intelligent and constantly walks just this side of the illegal line, but never crosses it. I am now planning to move out of the state because I can't take it anymore. In order to do this and not be tracked by her, I am having to give up my friends and close all my accounts and sell my house. I am a good person, Revenge Lady. I work hard, am the single mother of a four-year old, and I strive to be the best person I can be. I know now that she has had a pattern of this stalking behavior and her former girlfriends have gone into hiding as well. While I believe her karma will be its own justice, part of me wants to get back at her for her continued harassment. Any suggestions? Nara



Dear Nara:

Yikes - this sounds terrible. Sorry to hear you have to move to get away from this person, but she sounds kind of nuts. Sorry, I don't think you should mess with her. She's got too much crazy energy going towards you. I think it would be like pouring oil on a fire. And if your intent is to get away from her, it might incite her to track you down and pay you back some more. I say, run don't walk. And better luck next time with girlfriends. Revenge Lady




Hi ! First things first- Great Site, Revenge Lady! Now, I need to find a way to get back at an overcontrolling, manipulative, egotistical, lying, cheating, bastard. Can you help me with this? He plays and referees roller hockey. He lives with his mother (whom I get along with well), has no car, two kids he doesnt see on a regular basis. I feel bad for any woman that has even the remotest possibility of running into him. I feel that he doesn't deserve a good woman, and I'm not sure if he even deserves a bad woman. I'm beginning to feel that he doesn't deserve a woman at all. To top it all off, I see him whenever my son plays hockey. He owes me $150, AND he had the nerve to ask me if I would make him a cd. AFTER I DUMPED HIM... Any ideas on good revenge schemes? I'll try anything once... =) -Illusia



Dear Illusia,

Thanks - glad you like the site. This guy sounds like the pits. Isn't it odd how guys like this often live with their mothers or are around their moms a lot? I think you should find ways to not cross paths with him. Forget the money. Forget the cds. Is there some place else your son can play hockey? Or is there someone else who could accompany him? If you continue to deal with this clod, he'll just drain you. He's not going to change. Send him a parting get lost gift - like a drop dead note delivered in a funeral urn or a bunch of dead flowers. Draw a line in the sand - he's history.

Good luck, Revenge Lady




Dear Revenge Lady,

My boyfriend is in the army and I found out he has been writing one of my sister's friends. Also he has had TWO children during our relationship but not by me. What should I do ???????

Just Confused



Hi "confused":

What is there to be confused about? This guy had two kids during your relationship and now he's sniffing around your sister's friend? Hello!! Just count your lucky stars he's in the army and out of your hair? Ditch him. There's nothing here for you, except more nonsense and aggravation. RLady




Hi,

I am a 21 year old female who is in love with another 21 year old female for one reason or another. Actually we started out as best friends and she is the one who crossed that line. At first the idea had sickened me but eventually, she won the right over me. I thought it will not lead to anything but now I am in love with her and she says the same thing to me. But the situation is funny because I am not attracted to any other female but her. The problem is that she is seeing this boy named Omar and he is in the way between the two of us. It is like she only cares about him and it is killing me after all I have done for her and her son. That boy is not only turning her heart away from me but also our friendship. I just want that boy out of her life and have things back the way they use to be. He is one of those ugly nice guys that gets on my nerves and he is standing in the way of my love life. What can I do to get rid of him forever without her noticing I had something to do with it.



Hi:

This is a bad situation for you. A triangle of the worst kind. The sad truth is we can't get anyone to love us the way we want them to, no matter what we do. It sounds like you have a few choices to make: You could accept the situation as it is and value the relationship you do have. Remember that if you're complaining all the time, this will drive her away. You could walk, say to her she has to make a choice and be prepared to accept the consequences which may not include you. You could also tell Omar about your relationship and see if that drives him away - again that's risky. Think it over carefully, make a choice, do it and accept the results is my best advice.

Good luck, Revenge Lady
 

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