Dear Revenge Lady,
I got married last year and moved into my husband's house with my son. Well the neighbor behind us is nothing but a trouble maker she is always trying to get into our business she has already had the dog pound come to our house saying we don't give our dogs all their shots and we had to prove to them we did and of course I have all their records. Then she drives by our street all the time to aggravate us. She drives by real slow and has no reason to be down our road when she lives behind us and has her own road to take. She will drive slowly by our home and look to see what she can start with next. We put up a privacy partial fence and she called the law on that saying it is not in the laws and restrictions for our neighborhood. She had letters sent to us from her attorney saying we needed to take it down or else... She had the neighborhood law restrictions recently make us get rid of all our birds which we had in a huge fenced in cage top and bottom. Now yesterday she called the fire dept on us saying we were burning trash and had not one but 2 fire trucks come to our house (how embarrassing is that) and they saw we were only burning wood and they apologized . They said a neighbor said we were burning trash and she happened to be outside when they came and my husband yelled something to her and she said that's what you get for burning trash in your yard. Not only does she drive by our house but she brings along her 13 year old son which i think is awful having him being involved in such things. I am just tired of this already enough is enough I need advice or help something we can do to get back at her... My husband said before I lived here she started with him on his animals .. Please help us ....
I empathize with the problem. There are people around who have nothing better to do than meddle in other people's business. Any playful revenge is not appropriate here. It will only incite her. Look into a restraining order - start filing complaints of harassment - play hardball with her and try to get her restricted from being around your property. Document everything she does and build your case.
Good luck, it's a drag
Hi Revenge Lady
I found out last week, by checking my husband's emails, that he has been having an affair for around 4 - 5 months with a lady from work. He has now moved in with his sister and is looking for a flat close by, as he says, to short his mind and life out. He has told everyone, including me, that he had the affair because he has not loved me for 2 - 3 years.... he says we drifted apart. I told him he should have talked to me, to try and work through this... he says its too late now...... obviously as he has a nice lady with exciting sex on offer. I would love to have him back. His whole family are 100% against what he has done and told him they would never welcome this lady into their homes / families. How do I make him stop seeing her, OK take some time out in the flat on his own, and perhaps we could start to sort things out. We both desperately want to remain friends.... and I want to work this to my advantage? What do I do?
Sad and Depressed
Hi Sad and Depressed:
Boy I wish I could wave the magic wand but the hard sad truth is you cannot make him come back to you. It's just not possible. You are in a horrible position but you cannot force his hand. I think you have to state what you want clearly - him back - and then back off and be quiet and let him play out what he is doing and come to his own decision. His family should also leave him along now - their input is not going to influence him and could push him away. It is entirely possible that he will not return and you must be prepared for that and get some counseling help
to deal with the loss and the sadness as well as prepare to move on with your own life. I know it sounds trite and all and I am sorry for the pain but this is a hard blow life has given you. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
Hi Revenge Lady,
My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers. We got married two years ago. We have four children together. I want to know what can I do to get him to see that he doesn't need to seek the attention from other women. He gets phone messages on his cell from other women inviting him to clubs and bowling. When I try to ask about it he gets mad because I listen to his messages. I just want to know why I'm never invited, it's not like they don't know he's married. I'm always at home with the kids while he is either at work or out with someone else. It's like he is embarrased of me. I want payback now.
Is this worth jail time?
Hey Erica -
Nothing is worth jail time!! However, it's time for you to stand up and demand equal treatment here - I can't believe he has the nerve to complain that you listen to his messages when it is so clear that he acts outside of the home like he is single. Who knows how far he takes it, some people just like to flirt, but whatever's going on, you don't need this kind of treatment. Insist he go to couples counseling and deal with this - otherwise my dear you have to make some big decisions....can you live like this? Is it time you did exactly what your hubby does and have an outside social life? Whatever you choose, do not put up with it anymore. As long as you put up with it, he will do it! Good luck, let us know.
Hi Revenge Lady,
I am married to a man who was married twice before. The first one he married in his early 20's and she was from the Philippines. He was young and foolish and couldn't see that this woman was just using him to get to the United States. As soon as she got to the United States she immediately showed her true colors. As soon as she got off the plane, his family saw right through her..yet he endured 11 YEARS of living with her! It turned out she has to stay married for at least 7 yrs ( at least that's what I've been told ) then she can be eligible for citizenship. And as a fool, my husband stayed with her even though he proclaimed that it was all hellish. They have a 16 year old daughter and I can't stand having to see the ex wife coming around my in laws and husband and me even when it's not necessary. She hasn't had contact with these people in a few yrs. My mother in law was recently hospitalized and she had the nerve to come to the hospital while I was there, giving all the in laws hugs and kisses like they were still her family, flaunting it. They allowed this woman to come in and take control of the situation because they didn't want to cause trouble even though they have been telling me in private that they hate her. They told me later that it was typical of her to do that to make my husband squirm. I felt they should have showed support in me and my husband by not accomodating her. Then ignoring me, as she walks by, she touches my husband on the arm and says in a dreamy voice that he lost alot of weight and how are you and all that. As we were all going in the hospital elevator, she proceeds to "reminisce" with her former in laws and my husband about how their daughter was born in that hospital..she went on and on. I thought that was insensitive of her to do. All the while my in laws and husband let her do it! I stayed quiet because I couldn't believe no one was standing up to her. And you have to know my husband's family...they typically are very outspoken and confrontational ..and they let this woman say and do whatever she wanted! What advice can you give me to handle this. My husband feels terrible that he even met the woman but has no choice but to have contact with her about their daughter. The 2nd ex wife...right now is a non issue but he married her because he said he wanted to do the right thing when she got pregnant. We have been together for a year and a half. This is my 1st marriage. I was recently diagnosed with cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. My husband has been very supportive and I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.. but in the ex wife arena...I think he should have done more to let her know she will not be allowed to even think to start trouble. Her presence at the hospital was not needed and she knew that. Please advise...I don't want future encounters and I was ready to scratch her eyes out at the hospital..thanks a bunch.
I think you have to simply tell your husband and your in-laws that having the ex-wife around is very uncomfortable for you and could they make sure in the future you don't have to be in this situation. Your husband should accomodate this. He sounds somewhat passive and perhaps your inlaws don't know how to stand up to her and be seemingly impolite. Stand your ground - you are the wife and should be respected. It'll be good for you and your husband and his family to align on this. Don't let it go. If your husband doesn't get it, insist on going to a counselor until it is worked out. It'll be worth it.
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